As Far as I Can Go

I went to the theater to see Pixar’s, Soul, with my daughter and wife recently. I had seen the movie at home on multiple occasions, and while I’d enjoyed watching, it had never really struck me as great. Seeing the film on the big screen changed that perception. In particular, the final scene between the unborn soul 22 and the main character (a man who had died) Joe. 22 is afraid of leaving to earth in order to start their life and the following exchange occurs:

Joe: “I’ll go with you.”
22: “You know you can’t do that.”
Joe: “I know, I’ll go as far as I can.”

When I heard this exchange I was struck straight in the chest, this is exactly what our goal in life should be, to go with people as far as we can. As a parent, a partner, a friend, a society member, a human, that should be our absolute goal, to be there for those around us, to help them and be with them for as far as we can. We cannot take anyone, other than ourselves, to the end of anything. Their path is only for them. But we can, and should, be there with them for as far as we can along that path.

The idea of selflessness is ingrained in us as humans. We would not have been able to survive and flourish without this ability. As much as we celebrate independence in American culture today, that independence would not have been possible, or achievable, without the selfless help given by nameless peoples throughout the years. And I'm not talking about the grand gestures and sacrifices, I'm looking squarely at the small, simple, moments where kindness, caring and help made the difference in the life of someone. All done without any expectation of seeing a return or knowing if it even mattered.

In some ways I think this is one of the most important things we can do; be there for the people in our life and for the people we interact with throughout life. It's so easy to worry only about yourself and your place. But more good, and good things, will happen if we worry about others. A key thing there is that you may not, and really should not, plan on being part of the final result. You are only facilitating the good that may come later after you are not a part of things.

This idea is counter to what American society seems to revere right now. Today, the concept of, "What can I do for me?" and "What do I get out of this?" or "Why should I help you? What good will it do me?" is often the underlying sentiment that is bantered about. There is only I and Me. This connection with only your own path, your own worth, ends up devaluing others around us. This thinking makes us weaker and less as a people, a society, a nation. We need all of us to create a world that is worth living in. Of course there are many examples of our willingness to help those around us and in the world. We cannot help but care. But often this is seen in the large moments, the big upsets, the terrible misfortunes, and less in the day to day, small minutia that make up our lives and experiences. These small moments are where we need to be putting out our hand out and saying, "I'll go with you are far as I can."

It's all well and good to look towards how we can be there for others in our lives, but we must ensure that we are there for the people who are closest to us. In particular those we are helping to grow into our next generation. So often I have stared at the anger, loss and confusion that is sown by parents who failed to look beyond themselves and ended up leaving a mess of insecurity, pain and future failure smeared on the souls of those they should have been helping. This was depicted in the movie as well, with 22 becoming a lost soul who is reliving, over and over, all of the times they were failed by those who were supposed to be helping.

Now, there is no way in reality that we can be perfect in this effort of help. There is no perfect. All we can do is try to mitigate any pain we create and try to remember that there is a world that exists outside of our own reality. You are not the sole reason the world works, or is, and that's okay. Nature works as an interconnected, symbiotic organism. And as much as we want to believe that we are not connected to everything else, we are. I'm not trying to say we have to love the earth and every creature and hug the trees and look only at the world through glasses of caring and joy. Ah, no. The world is a messed up, fucked place most times. And events, beyond our control, as most events are, will make it even worse.

The message here is not to think everything will be fixed once we start loving and caring for one another. Nothing will fix or make just the world. There is no fixing. But we can improve things just a bit. Make things slightly better. Give others a chance, a slim opportunity to achieve and make something for themselves. Even if all that something is, is a belief in their own worth, so that they can maybe mitigate the creation of pain on someone else. But to do this we must let them know that we will go with them as far as we can and that they will not be alone for the whole journey. Because someone, just knowing they are supported, can make the difference in them experiencing life with outward purpose, as opposed to being crippled with inward pain.