Don't Chase Being Happy

He comes into the office and I can see from his body language, things are off and I immediately start wondering what's gone off track. We do the initial banter. How are things? Still working? Any issues with family or friends? You use? And overall everything is fine. But he still seems out of it and his answers are monosyllabic and unemotional. Definitely not how he normally acts. I come right out and ask, “What's going on with you? You're being strange today. Something happen I should know about?” After a shrug and a, "I don't know," he finally sighs and says, "Don't get it. I try hard, working, clean, but I ain't right. Shit just feel wrong, ya know."

I do get it. We've all been there, doing what we know we should and trying like crazy to get ourselves to that happy place we want so badly, but that's where we're going wrong, and that's what's got to be looked at differently.

Happiness is not something you should be chasing or expecting in your life. Being happy is not a goal, it's just something that happens, but cannot be expected. In fact happiness is like grief, in that it will come and go depending on the circumstances of your life and where you are mentally and emotionally. What should be striven for is not an emotional response like happiness, but a state of contentment in life. That is, you are neither happy or sad, but in acceptance of where you are at this time and place.

You have to understand that the emotional moments in life will change on a dime, you have to learn to be okay with where things are in this moment. This does not mean settling, or being okay with less. What it means is accepting the now and being alright with that, the good, the bad, the whatever this is right now. Acceptance is recognizing what is improvable, but being good with what you have.

Becoming content in life will make it much easier to look for and make change. You will not be wasting energy or effort feeling negative emotions or chasing positive feelings. But, you also know that you can continue to make changes and improve things for yourself and others. By just accepting how things are right now you can exist in the now, knowing that tomorrow will be survivable and you can keep striding forward. So stop chasing happiness and just embrace acceptance of where things are right now. Know that as long as you are doing all you can, as best as you can, you are doing exactly what you have to do to be your best.