Yep - It's Your Failure

A regular conversation I would have with people would be about what had gone wrong, or didn't work out for them as they were trying to change. This usually revolved around how something had gotten in the way or stopped them. Hardly ever was there any recognition of their role in that failure. It was always due to actions or issues that were outside of themselves.

I would then end up trying to steer their thinking towards themselves and their role in their failure. This wasn't to shame them or make them feel badly about what happened, but to help them see the positive in that moment.

That they must embrace failure to avoid it in the future.

It’s all on you bro.

Short of a physical issue or god-like uncontrollable event, you are responsible for the failure or lack of success in your life. It’s so easy to blame outside forces or people for what went wrong. Why accept the responsibility when the issue has to be because of things outside yourself. All that has gone wrong, or wasn’t done, or didn’t come to life, couldn’t have been due to you or your issues. It has to belong to someone or something else, it just has to.

Unfortunately, it’s all on you.

By not accepting the responsibility you only stop, or delay, improvement.

It’s been said over and over, failure leads to success. You will never learn from your failure if you don’t accept responsibility for what happened (or didn’t happen).

By trying to blame other people or things all you do is pass your power to change off to unknown or unseen powers. You give up the ability to get better from the experience.

You must live in the humiliation, no matter how mild or serious, and work on what needs to be improved. When you don’t accept the fact that you were the reason for not succeeding you give up the thing that leads to improvement - reality.

You need to see the reality of your situation.

When you fail to see what happened, instead of improving you just shift blame. The problem is not yours but someone, or something, else. There is no way for you to get better, to do better, because that ability does not belong to you - it belongs to someone else. Someone else failed, not you.

This creates a loop of thinking that every failure is not due to you or your actions, but because of something or someone else. In the end, you won’t learn to get better and you will just continue to make the same errors over and over. Constantly wondering why the same things keep happening to you. You stall your potential and your life.

Admit where you went wrong.

This is the hard part, admitting you were wrong, that you made the mistake.

• You failed to take action or follow through.
• You didn’t plan.
• You moved too quickly.
• You didn’t vet your process.
• You connected with the wrong people or person.
• You didn’t check the weather before heading out.
• You ignored warning signs or concerns of people in your life.
• You failed to do what had to be done.

Remember, in the end, almost any failure is your fault.

Here’s the deal though, you can’t hold on to that fact. You must forgive yourself and get moving again. This means understanding what you did wrong and then setting checks in place to avoid those same mistakes. This does not mean quitting, giving up, or stopping because you think you're no good. Just find and admit your error and then move the fuck on.

Step up for yourself.

If you never step up and accept your role in whatever failure you had, you can never, and I mean never, make your life better. You will never make the changes needed to improve your situation. You are responsible for you. For your life, for your future. As much as you may want to pass that responsibility to someone else, in the end you are it. Don’t be afraid to embrace and accept your failure. Learn from it. See where and how to fix it for the future. Give yourself the opportunity to grow and become great. Because that is what you deserve.